Meet the little Poly's; The girl and the boy.
She was the firstborn.
I witnessed the whole ordeal.
It started at 4:00 am one sunny spring day.
We rose to the thumping inside Mrs Poly.
It was ready to come out...
12 long agonizing hours later it did;
"Congratulations" said Doctor Lefty, "It's a girl."
Born out of screams, curses, threats and tears,
amid a torrent of liquid brown goo and red bloody sludge, she appeared.
Baby girl Poly; and she was so small and beautiful,
I cried releif for the hell Mrs Poly went through and for the joy of the little slimy wet howling thing that I held squirming in my hands that was my daughter and I cut the cord.
He was born 4 years later. First he tried kicking his way out.
When that didn't work he tried punching, head butts, twisting turning, thumping, jumping-
nothing worked.
Mrs Poly looked as if someone had thrown her from a moving bus
and she screamed for the promised drugs that never came.
I tried to hide in the corner. This time I didn't even suggest doing Lamaze that didn't fucking work the first time when in her torment, I calmly suggested to Mrs, as she was climbing the fucking wall, that now would be a good time for me to help with her breathing, and she turned in a flash and scorched my eyebrows in a firestorm of curses as she contorted in misery.
So Lamaze was out this time also. Then it happened so fast;
There was one last screech from Mrs and out he popped, almost skipping out of the doctors hands as he proclaimed, "A boy!"
"A son!" I cried, as he was thrown in my hands, dripping with baby juices. and he smiled up at me and I beamed down at him; the Poly genes would survive.
28 comments:
lmao! this all sounds so familar!
Your almost Lovecraftian description of childbirth was interesting. I can't decide if warms my liquor-soaked heart, or makes me want to listen to Cannibal Corpse's "Butchered at Birth"; either way, congrats on your genetic success.
The world is safe! The Poly dynasty is assured! i feel strangely comforted!
Awwww... It's an amazing and agonizing ordeal.
But all worth it in the end. 8-)
Jasmine,
Yes, and we capped it at that. I am very thankful for them, although they do drive us crazy..
Shannon,
It was hellish both times, although I was witness,
I can only imagine the pain she went through twice.
Men could never handle it.
Children are a on-the-job learning experience- and it's a love/hate relationship.
To be a mother is a full time job. I could never do it. I tell the Mrs- if she dissappeared, the kids would wear the same clothes to school they slept in, eat whatever food was lying around and forget about any outside interests and playdates- I have no time as it is.
Sunny,
It is definetly universal.
Morbid-
It was gross and beautiful at the same time, plus I hate hospitals.
It was really good reasons to get blasted out of my mind and smoke cigars.
Also as the Mrs and I agree; children are great to goof on.
Ice- Yes, the Polys grow and prosper.
Jane-
My 2, ages 11 & 7 have wonderful demented sense's of humor.
They're a chip off the old Poly.
Captain- No, it was FEED ME!
Yes Becky- Well worth it, and I think it gets better as they get older.
Christ, if I was Mrs Poly I'd have beaten you to death after the first one popped out for doing that to me in the first place!
fuckkit-
She does remind me every now and then of what I did to her, and my only defense is that I like making them.
so poetic! lol
jlee,
Now a days I like to think of life as a poem, just wish I was a good enough poet.
Oh, one of each! You are a lucky man Poly!
I imagine they are beautiful!
Thats an awesome story!! Makes me remember the labor I went thro with my boys, UGH! Horrible, I tell ya, horrible!! Very fricken painful let me tell ya, nothing like remembering it! I see you already know how painful it truly is. Congrates on being a father!! Take care sweety!! Love always, MM XOXO
My boys are ages 12 & 8 years old!! :) MM
Lee Ann-
I still look at them in awe and amazement- for they now have grown in human beings. It is our job as parents to instill the right and wrong. (which I still haven't mastered for myself)
...and yes, they are beautiful-
they take after the wife.)
Mystical- As if looking and feeling like a whale isn't enough-
now you have to have certain other parts stretched to painfull capacity. 2 boys hah?
We have our hands full with 1-
more power to ya!
Ashley,
My girl, is much smarter than me and very talented, the boy kicks ass and loves boobs already (chip off the old poly).
Yes, two boys!!
My oldest was born by C-section he was too big to fit thro my bones. I went from being 95 lbs to a whale before giving birth to him. He was 9lbs 10ozs at birth, so yeah, I was unable to have him the nature way. Trust me I pushed & they pulled for 4 hours, & nothing was about to come out!! LOL!!
On the other hand my second boy was 7lbs 6ozs thankfully!! Also thankfully my body went back nicely!! I didnt start dancing until my youngest was 3years old. Although, it was painful it was so worth it,in the end, & I m sure you ll agree with me!!
Take care sweety!! Love, MM XOXO
ow!
I had 3- 2 boys- 1 girl!
I LUV babies! Babies! Babies!
Thank God they grow~cuz if they didn't, I would have a housefull.
I just luv'd the discription of birth!!!!!
God Bless all of the wee innocents!
:)
Lady,
Although it's alien in nature-
it's really daunting how the whole amazing process works; from fertilized egg to finished baby.
Don't be frightened at all the bi-products- they just go with the flow.
Mystical,
C-section- Ouch...poor child.
9.10 & 7.6- You certainly produce rather large babies for such a small creature, God bless you.
...and I'm glad your all back together now;
how that whole baby ordeal must have played havoc on that wonderful dancing body of yours.
Starbender- Hey, glad you could join the baby fest! 2 boys & 1 girl- Wow!
You deserve a trophy, and you got your work cut out for you;
Good luck and God bless the little benders.
I'm not good with kids, all that puke and snot. Manky.
fuckkit-
I really had no prior experience with
kids- but I tell you-
you learn really fast when you have to.
Just the thought of wiping another persons ass is enough to make one vomit...but it's one of those things..
all I can say is, OWWWWWWW!
did I mention I had my daughter by a midwife? no drugs and at home. It wasn't that bad (for me anyway..I was lucky)
Captain- Sorry,
I draw the line at some things, You mess yourself and overboard you go.
Webmiztris-
ooooh, eee, ooooh aw aw zing zing
al a bala bing bang.
jlee,
Amazing...and good for you.
My wife was promised the epidermal the first time, but never got it. The second time they said she went too fast- so didn't get it again-
She was climbing the walls in pain both times. Not a pretty sight.
Just stoppin in to say hello & wish you a great week. Take care, MM XOXO
Video-
Who would want to leave that wonderful warm moist place anyway?
Especially us guys- we spend the rest of our lives trying to get back in!
Hi mystical-
thanks for stopping by.
Snaggle,
Ah, yea...
FYI I'm trying to stop biting them-so I clip them 50 times a day.
Hey Polyman!!! I just wanted to stop in to say hi before i leave. your kids sound wonderful. I have two cats and that is enough for me now. Dont think i could handle more right now!!!
Princess,
2 cats are enough fun for a while, before you move on to kids.
Bon Voyage & have fun in Paris!
Can I just say I'm so in awe I'm not going to divulge one iota of any of my birth experiences?
Jozee-
I would like to hear it, seems like most everyone has a tale to tell.
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