1) Buy Corvette.
2) Justify purchase of Corvette to wife.
3) Dump wife.
4) Sell house.
5) Leave crappy career that took lifetime to build.
6) Take entry level no-brainer job in large retail store
surrounded by naive hot chicks half my age.
7) Rent garden apartment bachelor pad and furnish with contemporary designer furniture.
8) Flaunt newly discovered free-spirited lifestyle in faces of old married pussy-whipped friends.
9) Dump old friends.
10) Drop subscriptions to This Old House and
National Geographic in favor of Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler magazines.
11) Befriend guy at video store in order to be put on preferred customer XXX movie list.
12) Cancel Sears and Home Depot accounts in favor of charge account at Today's Man clothes store.
13) Dye hair.
14) Upgrade boat from Kingfisher to super sleek twin engine cigarette speedboat.
15) Scout bars for most exciting happy hours with 3:1 girl/guy ratio.
16) Require the kids to call me by first name in public.
17) Start watching American Idol in order to converse with younger women.
18) Find out who Ashley Simpson and Kelly Clarkson are.
19) Change blog name to Sex Starved Stallion and post nothing but erotica.
20) Get the addresses of all you hot sexy cyber-girlfriends and personally deliver a big Polyhug to each and everyone of you.
30 comments:
hhahha..nice banana hammock
Very funny in that ewww ... ick sort of way. I think I need a shower ... alone!!!
You will only get girls wearing beachwear like that if you have wads of cash sticking out of it.
jlee- Is that like a pickle suit?
My next guide will be on how to pick up chicks after 40.
Shannon,
AAARRRRGGGGG, the things I'll have to go through...thanks.
Theresa,
can I watch?
nurse,
Thanks for the tips,
I'll follow you anywhere, and
leave my speedos behind.
Shannon, you gals rule!
fuckkit-
Yea, when I get a job with Chippendales.
I did all of that and I'm still unsated. The problem might be that I'm a robotic clown with no concept of time.
somewhere in that busy schedule you need to fit in Botox shots Poly. and i am assuming there would be a younger trophy wife at some stage??
I look forward to middle age. When it begins?
My dad read that list back about 8 years ago, haven't seen him since.
Gyrobo-
Hang in there, sounds like you need an oil change.
Jane-
Botox, face lift, tummy tuck,
brain transplant...
Ice-
great add-ons worthy of note!
Mrs Poly dragged me kicking & screaming to a Barry Manilow concert last year, and you know what? I actually started singing some of the songs! Now I know I'm fucked.
Lady- I'm hanging onto a canary yellow liesure suit I'm certain will come back in style-
Ya baby! Got my chains too.
News,
It will be here before you know it!
Becky- Very scary...
I think I'm happily married, although Mrs Poly did state a concern that I spend entirely too much time on the computer-
Is that a sign?
i like Ms. Poly. =)
and for the record - i did a blog search for "Sex Starved Stallion" and don't find it.
tease.
penile extension?
t- it's still in the developmental stage.
Captain- The Loveboat?
Jane,
Yes, I'm working on a new inflatable version.
I'm assuming 'er indoors doesnt know about this blog on account of the fact you're not sleeping on the streets yet ;)
LOL all these comments are great! Best thing though, is that I know you would never be the type of guy to DO any of that!
LMAO!! Awesome!! Take care, MM XOXO
Ipizudic,
You know? I think your right-
she would probably cut my balls off;
no sense of humor regarding my crisis.
Fuckkit- Some things are better left unsaid. She knows of the blog
but I think she fears it-
Rightly so.
Sunny- Your one smart cupcake.
At first I entitled this post,
"PM's fantasy wishlist of Midlife Crisis."
In reality, after 20 years- she is my heart and soul and knows me better than anyone in the world.
My vow to her is the only true promise I have ever made and kept.
Mystical; thanks, babe.
There used to be a realy great porn mag called High Society. If they still make that, you should add that to your list of subscriptions.
Leave it to a chick to look at your list and point out improvements to be made.
That guy in his "yeng-yang" strap is a joke.
If you have it that bad going thru your mid life crisis, please stay away from me. You will die a sad little dirty old man.
I'm with Shannon, I've got it covered with Kelly and American Idol.
Poly, this post isn't a parallel in your life, is it? Also....one more question.....is that you in that picture?
Zoom,
Remember it well, wore out a few covers in the old days.
...and who better to know what works than chicks!
Capt.- I know,(scratching head) it could be like a life vest; you pull the string and, well ah!
Capt is at the end of a dirigble- the ultimate inflatable squeezable life size extendable dildo!
where's Jane?
Lucy, Lucy,
I do not have to resort to that kind of self-humiliation, all I got to do is show up in my silver speedo pickle suit-
and watch out!
...and I am a big sad dirty old man
and I like little Lucy...Hee hee.
Lee Ann;
I represent that!
No really- I'm a shy dude in public, a real low key figure till I have a drink or two- then I'm like Arthur- and I start flashing people-
It's a real gas baby...Yeeeeeeeee!
...and I think with youself and sexy Shannon tutoring me, I'll be in good shape.
...FYI, that's not me in pic, I'm more hairier & muscular.
Are we speaking from experience now???
;]
actually, this kind of reminds me of American Beauty except in that movie, it ended rather badly.
Swid-
Look at you, your all tied up &
I like it!
Star- It seems that way, doesn't it? To tell you the truth- I do have a history- but not that cheesy.
Trouble-
This ending is still being written-hopefully it will be a happy one-
for I do have a loving family and I think I'm just a regular guy only sporting with a warped imagination.
Hahahahahahahahahah, those are some good ideas!! I think I m going to change my blog to sex starved old woman!! LOL!! Totally kidding of course!! ;)
Take care, MM XOXO
I am waiting for my cyber hug to arrive. Thanks for swinging by my blog.
Video,
Quite honestly, I'm already through my crisis; I've had my crazy period when I closed my business and got out of an industry
I grew up & worked in for 25 years.
I've ended relationships and questioned others. All the while Mrs. stuck by me. Now I'm settled in a new business and a lot happier- if you can apply that term to me- Let's just say I've accepted certain situations and don't stress as much. Good luck with yours- I know it's not easy.
Mystical,
You know the more I get- the more I want. I think it's an addiction.
2 things I can't do without; sex and sex. Mrs runs away sometimes.
Hi Lori,
Sure, I got lots to go around.
Hot Spot- Aren't you cute?
Love ya,
my little Ash
my licentious lark-
I could see you in
a fire red convertable.
Great to have you back!
wow...
In one post you summed up what I'm planning on doing in about 20 years.
I applaud you.
3 in the morning is the best time to pick up chicks. Look for the ones trying to drive home in the back seat of theirs cars. Not only will u get lucky and have no worries about her remebering u but you will also be doing her a favor by driving her to a hotel to sleep it off ;-)
Hey honkeie2- You are so right man,
years ago, me and a buddy termed it "the pig hunt" to see who could pick up the most vile stinking slut we could find b4 the bar closed. I had to be really hammered.
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