The struggle in my mind ( my promise)

It's all an Illusion.

What is real and
what is not,
and all the spaces
in between,
in shades of gray and
black and white and
oh, there I go again.
I need to take something
to bring me back
to reality.
My mind is in
a bad place.


I long for diversion and excitement.

"I fear I have grown stagnant,"

he said, eyeing the thick rope draped across the chair

and then the overhead beam.

He took a long toke of the joint and exhaled slowly.

There was a time when you would dance before me

naked

with your long hair shimmering

in the moonlight and

I would take you in my arms and

kiss your lips so gently.

So young, sweet innocent eyes trusting my words...

my intentions, my promise;

"How I love you,"

...and you gave yourself to me totally
willingly.

I have never betrayed that trust.

...and yet,
from time to time
a passing thought
a fanciful fantasy causes me
to struggle with questions
of right and wrong,

and the temptations that besiege me.

because I am a man
and I will not yield.

Nor will I harm you

or myself,
nor damage what

we have built together,
for 20 years

for a whim.